Human Figure with Large Baby Model

by Thorin Klosowski

Hello sir! May I come in? No? Well that’s okay, I can do my pitch from right here on your porch. Sir, please, I don’t mean to be a bother but if you’ll just give me two minutes of your time I’ll be sure to make it worth your while. Yes sir, just two minutes, I promise. Why thank you! I do appreciate that.

Now sir, what you’ll see behind me here is our newest baby model. It’s rather large, yes, quite large indeed. And friend, I’m here to tell you it’s the best thing we’ve ever made. Now, what’s that? Oh yes, we have small and medium sizes as well, but the large baby model is the best of the bunch, I promise you that.

If you’ll just step forward a bit, yes friend, just like that, now why don’t you lean in and take a look at the baby model. You can’t tell the difference between a real baby and this, right? It’s perfect, and here’s the kicker, this baby model doesn’t need to be fed or have its diaper changed. It’s the perfect accessory to a day out in the park, and it doesn’t create any waste. It’ll give your partner the satisfaction and comfort of a real baby, but you won’t have to worry about it turning into a horrible person when it grows up. Plus, and this is the real kicker, friend, it doesn’t use up any valuable resources.

Now then, let’s just take a second here and appreciate this on a technical level. It’s a full 300 mAh battery, with carbon skeletal structure and full waterproofing if you get caught out in the rain. This baby will last the day, and more if you disable GPS.

The large baby model also has all the features of the small and medium models, which includes the mute function many of our customers love, but it also comes with, and I’m not going to lie, this is the big selling point for me, a hidden touchscreen. Yes sir, just go ahead and push in the button on the baby’s eye, and the stomach flips out like so. This way, you can load up the baby into a stroller, but still keep an eye on the game.

That’s my favorite feature, but a lot of people really like the built-in voice assistant. Here, listen to this, “Hey Baby, what’s the weather going to be today?” See, and just like that, you have access to a world of knowledge. You can change the name, of course, as you see fit. Baby is just the default.

Now what do you say, sir? Can I put you down for one? Two? Maybe your partner is home, and they have an opinion? Sir, please, that’s very rude. Sir, no, well, okay then, you have a great day. Goodbye.

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